On not teaching

On not teaching

I love the conversations that I have my fourth grade students. I love talking with them about their families, their likes and dislikes, what they want to be, what kind of food they like and what they do after school. I smile when a students comes up to me during lunch or right after recess and wants to share something personal about themselves.

What I don’t enjoy or love at all is all those moments “teaching”. I put teaching in quotes because I’m not sure how I feel about it anymore. Am I really teaching? What am I teaching? These aren’t new questions to any teacher out there. I’m sure at some point we all question why, or at least I hope we all do.

I don’t enjoy grammar lessons, reading lessons, writing lessons, math lessons, or any other type of lesson. And yes, we make things, we play, we act it out, we read together, we share, yes, we do all of those things that make the learning fun and exciting and blah, blah, blah. I still don’t enjoy it. And when I ask my students, because I always do, what was the most interesting part of your day, it’s always those in between moments where we weren’t in the “lesson”. When I ask my students what part of their day they enjoy the most, it’s recess, lunch, and p.e. My personal favorites too.

But I’m here. I’m here for the rest of the year and my contract states that I am required to “teach”, write units and lesson plans, engage my students in active learning…blah blah blah.

So here’s my question, do I quit now? To do what? I already took 7 months off in the hopes that I would figure it out.

In the meantime I take solace in the fact that I at least I still really like my students. I can still laugh and joke with them. I can still have a good time. And I have crossfit and morning jogs and this writing challenge to look forward to each day. Until…something

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